Sunday, January 25, 2009

Bottom Line Not Worth It


There are many things to say and yet I struggle arriving to a clear, clean start.

Revelations come at me at random times of the day. Sure enough I was faced again to discover some truthful things about myself that I dislike...

I love learning. I learn about life and people everyday. I love my friends who utilize their time in becoming a better person to better themselves and the world around them. Ashy, you're one of those friends. Thank you for perpetually stimulating my mind to be up to par to your mental process, as it is beautiful.

My recent Calgary road trip with Katrina would be piled under one of the best trips ever. I love traveling with my sis. We both love meeting people, no judging necessary, and striking laughter moments with them. No matter what the situation is, we can laugh our anuses off with anyone or between the two of us. We value good times and at least like to marry such principle into our daily lives as often as we possibly can. I know I hate digging into pessimism only to be ruined by it. It's bottom line not worth it.

It's funny. Not really. Ever since Brian's dad passed away, my outlook on life have completely changed. It just changed faster than a blink of an eye. I will never take life for granted. I will never waste time over petty situations. I consciously challenge myself to discover happiness in any situation I am in and simply appreciate with an open heart. I hate that someone's father had to be compensated before I could realize how fruitful life can be. But I firmly believe that everything happens for a reason. My life or who I am today is the manifestation of what happened yesterday. I make meanings out of my past, present, future and implement discoveries I learn to gear me for what tomorrow will offer. So far, with this type of mentality, my life has been better.

DOLCE AND GABBANA

"Dolce and Gabbana," she said sexily to me. The intonation resonated all throughout my mind, spirit, and bones. She already had me wrapped around her finger but she had to say the right words in the right way. I knew I was going to get in trouble by the end of it all.



I can't remember her name or face. Her scent and exact replies to my flirtatious attacks are what she has left behind my mind. I am now pathetically trying to trace back everything that happened. I hopelessly want a repeat moment with her, even if it's only in the mind. I can't believe I let her go without asking for a way for us to get in contact again. I just said bye and neglected to give a courtesy thank you or hug for making me feel alive again. I said, "see ya" and ran out of the car with my mind already separated from my body, experiencing that whole "I'm in love feeling" again.




It started first when she pushed me against the wall outside the club and caught me off guard by the force of her kiss that I didn't anticipate nor did I really permit to happen either. No, it didn't necessarily start that way. We were walking out of the club and she offered to give me a ride home. I followed her lead and asked why she wasn't with the girl who was all over her inside the club. She ignored what I said and asked instead if I find her attractive. She said teasingly, "I saw you putting your game onto my friend. You like her, huh?" I had to exchange a smile back at her comment and right away came back with "No, I like you. In the club, did you not feel my eyes pierce through the crowd to get to your attention? I was practically ogling you. Of course, I find you attractive. I think you're beautiful," I added on. Instantaneously, I realized how gay I sounded. But since the butterflies inside my stomach were growing astronomically wild as each second went by intermingling with her, I didn't care what cheesy thing came out of my mouth. I couldn't believe what was happening. "Where's your car?" I then interrupted to change the subject. To my surprise, she grabbed my hand like I was her girlfriend and lead me somewhere I found not near of what I was expecting, say the whereabouts of her car. No. She took me some place else. That was the corner wall outside the club, where she pushed me against it and quickly liberated her seducing intentions by forcing her luscious, soft lips onto mine, viciously.




I think that's how it started.




I got all girly all of a sudden and felt a knot in my tummy. Shyly, I told her to stop after the first few seconds of our kiss and turned my head to conceal the fact that I enjoyed what had just occurred. I let an image of flattery out of my eyes and mouth as I tended my face away from hers. I didn't move a single part of myself then. All the while, I let her body console my entirety. Though at the same time, I didn't want to be locked permanently by her arms. This was not attainable, nevertheless. Her arms were a lot more powerful than me. Regardless, I fought against her will but secretly relished her way of manning what was occurring, specifically her way of handling me. "She was such a stud," I thought to myself. Lingering in my head were questions such as, "who is she in reality? Does she like politics?" Obviously she did not execute my wish of being let go of. She rather pressed her body closer onto mine and left me immobile. Her hands were now holding my hands tightly behind my back, and the pressure of her body became the sovereignty of everything. I couldn't move anymore. And all the power was transferred onto her hands. In that advantage, she wasted no time and tasted my helpless mouth that desperately lounged for hers. She ran her lips onto my neck with soft kisses, bit my skin lightly in an eccentric electrifying way. Simultaneously, she demanded me to relax, shut the fuck up, and to just let her do her thing, to which only shocked and amused me. "Who the fuck is she," I kept wondering. To that point, she captured me as a powerless slave desiring for the guide of her master. I grew to want her more, like a hungry beast. Though no matter how things were progressing to be, and how I let our body intertwine sensually, I still moved around to escape her bodily force. I was uneasy being in public where strangers are passing by witnessing our inappropriate conducts. Not to say that it stop the harmonious movement going on between the two of us. With my eyes closed and mind relaxed, I continued to kiss her like the love of my life forgetting virtually all the mattering subjects in my life. I only thought of everything being surreal and fucking orgasmic. I didn't want the ending to ever approach. Though eventually, I had to stop our kissing session and whisper something promising to her. Softly on her ear she heard me say, "Take me to your car. We can resume there." I think that was the first time she actually listened to me and disconnected her body from mine. She responded, "alright" and asked me if I was ok. I smiled and told her "let's go, you stud." She smiled, too, and held my hand.




Walking to her car I commented how wonderful and alluring she smelled. She then responded with the sexiest voice "it's Dolce and Gabbana.