First Dates

First Dates and what I’ll say about it:

Unless I dig the person, I guess it’s ok, but if you really think about it, going on first dates is not something to get really hyped about.

First of, first dates can be really, really fucking awkward. Typically when you go on your first date, you don’t know much about the person. In fact, you know nothing about the person. If you’re awkward like myself and have anxiety attack problem, you can kiss that date goodbye. For the rest of the night it aint going to feel like Aladdin when he and Jasmine got on the magic carpet and kissed for the first time. Nope. It’s going to be awkward as hell and you wish you got drunk at the bars instead and was making out with her. That date is straight up going into the sitter, particularly if it’s not with the right person (and if you’re a douche like myself). What’s going to happen is you wouldn’t know what to say to the person or what to talk to them about. Even though you were the one that did the asking, you know the real reason why you’re on a date with them: you’re bored out of your mind and you need company for the night. Going on that date is pretty much just a night-filler for you.

Anyway, so during the date, you will either 1) become an impatient jackass because there’s absolutely no connection between you two and you find the person uber fucking boring. At certain point you are literally making shit up, digging old junks out of the crevasse of your asshole to fill in the awkward silence between you and your date or 2) you will feel the need to shit your pants because you’re actually really attracted to the person but you don’t want to say anything embarrassing about yourself or anything stupid so you end up censoring everything you can think of and share the most totally, fucking irrelevant thing you’ve ever talked about in your life, fully stuttering your words like a dumb ass. Then you feel pretty shitty about this so you try to claim your cool by simmering down on the talking and shutting your mouth. For the first time you get a hold of yourself. The date then continues on as you down your drink to stop your jittering body. Then, not too surprised, next thing you know, she’s doing all the fucking talking, reciting scenarios about her life unheard of to you. At first you’re all, “Sweet. Whatev. Keep talking, sweet pea.” In actuality, while you’re insanely interested in everything she’s saying, admiring her sexilicious lips, smiles, and mysterious eyes; simultaneously, you can’t help but block everything she’s saying because a) since you really don’t know much about her, you don’t care a single shit about the non-sense she’s blurting out b) all you’re really thinking about is kissing her and possibly seeing her naked because deep down all you want is ass...ass.ass.ass... But you also know you’re chicken shit so you know for a fact that nothing is going to happen by the end of the night. As it turns out, you don’t give a good God damn about the date and the woman in front of you. She’s talking and talking and you’re admiring and admiring. Truthfully your mind is elsewhere already. You’re convinced in your head, “I gotta fucking bounce.” The End.

=)